If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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