literally had 100 drinks last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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