so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize