just survived the first fart of the relationship.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
