fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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