Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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