I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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