I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
