I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
