Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
