it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
