hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
