Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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