Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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