Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
