I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am one with the molecules
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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