I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
