My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
