Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
