I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
