yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
