Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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