im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
tell me about the eggs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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