If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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