I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
