I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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