Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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