i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
