I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
