ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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