Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
