a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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