Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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