That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
