Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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