How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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