you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
