question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
