Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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