I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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