Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
