I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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