hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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