so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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