he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
