just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
