my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think people are normalizing furries
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
