I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
