yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
