I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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