we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
