I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The air was thick with penises
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
