whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
