I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
