FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
