You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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