i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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