can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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