Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
