using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
