Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
