I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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