I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
