He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
