Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
