That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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