Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
True strength comes from lack of pants
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
