if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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