if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
