Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
