When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
