literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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