I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
