maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She bit a glass in half.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
