I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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