tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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