i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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