In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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