i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
