just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
