During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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