I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
