mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
