Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
