I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
