He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
whose parrot is this?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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