I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize