8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
