What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
