I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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