Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
