I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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