we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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