this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
