Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
