Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
