my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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