my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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