dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
