when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
